Breastfeeding and Public Tantrums

I am a mother with two children and am expecting our third child this summer. My youngest is 20 months and is still breastfeeding. I have tried to wean him and have worked with my physician to try strategies but it's not working. When we go out of the house, I have tried bringing bottles, snacks, and redirecting his attention hoping that he will forget and not want to nurse. That doesn’t work and when he wants to breastfeed he throws tantrums, screaming and kicking if I don’t let him. I’m worried that he won’t be weaned by the time my baby is born. Do you have other ideas or suggestions?

Getting ready for another baby requires a few adjustments. For many families, weaning a toddler from the breast or bottle or moving from a crib into a bed are both a timely developmental transition as well as steps that make sense in preparation for the new arrival.

To increase the odds of a smooth transition, try to plan these steps from the point of view of the toddler. They need to be able to anticipate the change. And they’re definitely not yet altruistic. Giving up something for the new baby like a crib or the breast is beyond his capacities. The rewards you offer have to feel like a fair swap.

Fortunately, nature planned for these transitions. For example, the taste and availability of the breast milk changes during pregnancy. For many nursing toddlers these variations—along with an increased interest in movement and exploration—are natural incentives to shift away from breastfeeding. Alternatives like offering other drinks or food and providing distractions can aid this transition. Sometimes, as your question suggests, however, these built-in strategies can hit a few bumps. Here’s my advice:

• Carefully evaluate your own desires with respect to breastfeeding. Do you want to stop completely, or have certain times of day or places where you continue to nurse your toddler perhaps even after the baby is born? There is no “right” strategy: do what makes sense for your family, and make sure the strategies you use are geared towards your desired outcome.
• Build in other forms of comfort. Nursing not only supplies nutrition: it provides a lovely physical connection and sense of security. If your child does not yet have a favorite blanket, stuffed animal or other transitional object, it is time to connect an object with you. During the times when you are nursing be sure that the comfort item is with you and the child. This object provides the child with an alternative source of connection when breastfeeding or you aren’t available.
• Limits around when or where to breastfeed might be easier to set at home first before facing a public audience. You might pick a certain chair or a time of day, for example before bed and nap, when breastfeeding is allowed. At the other times offer the comfort item, other forms of connections (reading together) or other forms of food. Sticking firm to your limits at home will make the public limits easier as well as offer a natural restriction –the park doesn’t have a rocking chair!
• Work with your health care provider to make sure that you are getting enough nutrition and sleep to support you, your pregnancy and nursing your toddler.